well hello there, electric blanket.
Listen. I have some advice for you. If you live in a region that gets even fairly cold in the evenings, you should purchase an electric blanket. Some of you might say “oh but Michele, that shit would make me sweat a lot,” to which I would instruct you to never sleep with the thing on because like, who does that? No one needs high voltage running up all over their business in the wee hours of the noche.
If you want to improve your sleeping situation, turn your electric blanket on HIGH before you get in bed. Brush your teeth, watch some youtube videos, and slide right into the heated bliss.
Now some of you might say, “Oh but Michele, wouldn’t it be better if someone else was in your bed keeping you warm?” I would agree with you, but I would also tell you that you were being rude. Then I would laugh and remember to tell you the story about how this girl last year asked my friend Megan the most ridiculous question ever asked to a single person.
This girl said ”Oh Megan, are you STILL single?!”
Before Megan could even respond, I shouted in this girl’s face “you do not ask women that! What is wrong with you? I don’t follow most social rules but come on. You are going to ask a woman that question in that tone, like something is wrong with her because she is single? Jesus.” Then I turned to Megan and said “Oh hey Megan, no one loves you yet? Still crying in the shower alone these days?” Megan replied with “still clinging to a body pillow. yup.” And we went on and on with those jokes until the girl slinked away in shame. I think it’s important to note that this girl is only 23. Oh, and she has wet curls.
The moral of the story is: sometimes it’s ok to have electric devices warm up your bed when it’s subzero temps, and don’t ever have wet curls and be ignorant, ok?
