January 2012
1 post
December 2011
4 posts
Nothing makes a girl melt more than when a man says “I’m gonna go ahead and do another round of laser on your armpits for free.”
man oh man. unearthing this other hemisphere is tough.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
November 2011
10 posts
texts with my mother
Michele: hey you know what I want for my birthday?
Mom: Oh jesus. What?
Michele: all I want is that self-portrait you painted in high school. the orange one that was at grandmas.
Mom: that thing? why do you want it?
Michele: because I love it.
Mom: sure, you can have it. I haven’t changed a bit have I?
Michele: no you haven’t changed and never will. you’ve aged...
Well, I just watched the Notebook for the first time ever.
I was feeling like it was going to really be a tearjerker, since I’m apt to cry at anything these days, but I only got wobbly-lipped for about 30 seconds.
I really don’t think that movie is that good/sad. I was more apt to cry at the sex scenes, and at acknowledging that it will never be me underneath Ryan G.
on fallopian harvesting.
Michele: it’s been one of those weeks where I am like “ohhhhh I hate my liiiiiiiiife,” but then I will be fine by tomorrow. So I guess that’s probably pms.
Mindy: well, that is totally normal
Michele: i think my pms is getting worse as i get oldre
Michele: so bad that i can’t even spell “older” correctly
Mindy: also probably normal
Michele: yah. my...
I had kind of a crazy day today but it’s ok now because I just downloaded a buttload of Usher. Funny how the world works that way.
oh hey there, Q Tip.
Two thoughts that I had in my head over cereal...
1) What if this reality we live in isn’t real and doesn’t exist, and when we perceive people dying it’s just when they figure out that it’s not real and leave this universe. But we are here and think it’s them dying, but really they just catch on and go to some alternate reality/universe? Whoa. That’d be so fucked up.
2) Should I start using eye cream?...
October 2011
8 posts
well hello there, electric blanket.
Listen. I have some advice for you. If you live in a region that gets even fairly cold in the evenings, you should purchase an electric blanket. Some of you might say “oh but Michele, that shit would make me sweat a lot,” to which I would instruct you to never sleep with the thing on because like, who does that? No one needs high voltage running up all over their business in the...
On cats.
Last week, Cristy and I were sitting on the couches in our pajamas, making weird things up and thinking oblique thoughts.
Michele: Dude, I think having a cat would be kind of awesome, mostly because they are kinda assholes. I also want a dog, so I feel like my desires for pets are balanced because I don’t want to be a cat lady or anything.
Cristy: No way. Having a cat would be AMAZING....
watching the movie Drive:
Megan: This movie is giving me so much anxiety!!!
Michele: Ryan Gosling gives me vaginal anxiety.
September 2011
5 posts
1 tag
“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find...”
1 tag
so much shit is happening. it’s 9:59 and we’re too drunk to manage anything.
people are crying.
drunk realtors are losing cameras.
there’s glitter everywhere.
and we’re listening to songs about child murder sprees.
A few weeks ago, I received an email. The email said this:
Dearest Michele, We have a present for you! (see below). Hope you like it. Love, Mindy & Jenny
p.s. you’re welcome. p.p.s. it looks like you already have several propositions. check ‘em out.
When they typed “see below,” they were referring to a link that said “WELCOME TO OKCUPID!”
Yes,...
August 2011
9 posts
Always classy.
Michele: Come over. We're riding bikes to get some froyo.
Megan: can i look like trash
Michele: yes you can. i haven't showered since thursday
Michele: so use that as a jumping off point
my school is badass, y'all. →
Things I’ve learned this week:
1) The girl from the post below was wrong. She had me doubting a lot of things, but then my kids show me every day their unwavering love for me despite her opinion.
2) You’ve always got to look at the big picture.
3) Rats have a red discharge called porphyrin that comes out of their eyes and nose. It gets pigment from the same compound that red blood...
Had a coworker today suggest that I shouldn’t be so sarcastic with my students and that it makes her uncomfortable.
adioghan;dslkgvnaeosirvna;dkljvna;oevna;g;oadfgn’aei;odo`1111kadsn9ri2i2;nf9vn.
(that’s how I feel about answering to that.)
An Open Letter to Will.
Dear Will,
Remember when I met you on Friday night at my favorite dive bar and we danced to Steve Winwood and made jokes and you were really adorable? Oh and remember how we exchanged phone numbers before I left and you told me we should hang out soon?
Anyways, I thought it was weird that you called me at 3:11 am that night, hahah! Why such a late phone call, silly? Did you want to discuss...
July 2011
13 posts
…was just out driving with Cristy when we spotted a bald dude in a mustang blaring Lil’ Wayne loudly. I looked at her and said, “It’s 11 on a Sunday, and that douche is probably headed to Shotgun Willies (stripclub) or something.” We were elated two miles later to find that my assumption was accurate. My idiot radar is superb these days.
you guys. getting laser hair removal on my armpits was probably one of my smarter moves.
There is a voice inside of you That whispers all day long, “I feel this is right for me, I know that this is wrong.” No teacher, preacher, parent, friend Or wise man can decide What’s right for you—just listen to The voice that speaks inside. — Shel Silverstein
If you can see that tiny picture, it’s a picture of a toddler taking a shit. You know where I got this picture? On my FACEBOOK NEWSFEED. Some ex-coworker of mine decided it’s smart and appropriate to post pictures of her son taking a dump.
IN
WHAT
FUCKING
WORLD?