Nothing makes a girl melt more than when a man says “I’m gonna go ahead and do another round of laser on your armpits for free.”
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
texts with my mother
Michele: hey you know what I want for my birthday?
Mom: Oh jesus. What?
Michele: all I want is that self-portrait you painted in high school. the orange one that was at grandmas.
Mom: that thing? why do you want it?
Michele: because I love it.
Mom: sure, you can have it. I haven’t changed a bit have I?
Michele: no you haven’t changed and never will. you’ve aged drastically, though.
Mom: BITCH!
Michele: love you.
Well, I just watched the Notebook for the first time ever.
I was feeling like it was going to really be a tearjerker, since I’m apt to cry at anything these days, but I only got wobbly-lipped for about 30 seconds.
I really don’t think that movie is that good/sad. I was more apt to cry at the sex scenes, and at acknowledging that it will never be me underneath Ryan G.
on fallopian harvesting.
Michele: it’s been one of those weeks where I am like “ohhhhh I hate my liiiiiiiiife,” but then I will be fine by tomorrow. So I guess that’s probably pms.
Mindy: well, that is totally normal
Michele: i think my pms is getting worse as i get oldre
Michele: so bad that i can’t even spell “older” correctly
Mindy: also probably normal
Michele: yah. my body is angry at me for not having any babies yet. haha
Mindy: “WHY AREN’T YOU UTILIZING MY HEARTY EGGS, MICHELE???”
I had kind of a crazy day today but it’s ok now because I just downloaded a buttload of Usher. Funny how the world works that way.
Two thoughts that I had in my head over cereal this morning:
1) What if this reality we live in isn’t real and doesn’t exist, and when we perceive people dying it’s just when they figure out that it’s not real and leave this universe. But we are here and think it’s them dying, but really they just catch on and go to some alternate reality/universe? Whoa. That’d be so fucked up.
2) Should I start using eye cream? Everyone says to. I’m just not sure it’s necessary at all.
Well, today I was googling the best socks to wear with ballet flats (life is exciting sometimes), and I came across a youtube video in my google search results. I was like, who would take a video of socks? So of course I clicked on it.
The music? Almost 5,000 views!? What is happening, youtubes?
I was so confused. It was shortly thereafter that I discovered that it’s a sexual fetish video. If you open the video from the youtube homepage, you’ll discover hundreds of related videos listed on the sides. The numerous videos demonstrate that this genre of weirdness, aptly named shoeplay is large and well-frequented. (Insert dry-heaving and shuddering here). I know people get off on weird stuff and hooray for them. I also know that feet are this thing in the fetish community or whatever, but for a variety of reasons this is simply a little too strange to me.
If I ever saw my feet on a hidden camera youtube video, I’d track down the user and shank his unmentionables with a grapefruit spoon. Twice.
What is happening? People watching shoes dangle and having secret hidden cameras under tables? Screw your blood red moons, earthquakes, horses and what-not. This, I am sure, is the first sign of the apocalypse.
